Hi!
Some people were amazed when I told them that Windows 95 was released with bugs in it. I sure wasn't! I took a look at some of the files. This is a bit Techie, but most of ya will understand the code...
(If you beleive this is a real code, I got some nice homes in Alpha World to sell!)
So, as proof, I de-compiled some of the main parts of Windows 95 and here is what I found...
(Have a laugh Maks!)
Warning: DO NOT COMPILE; unpredictable results may occur.
/*Microsoft marketing strategy (MARKET.EXE): */
#include lie.h
#include process.h
#include inform.h /* Microsoft Network Connectivity library */
#include innocent.h /* For the court of law */
#define say(x) = lie(x)
#define computeruser = ALL_WANT_TO_BUY_OUR_BUGWARE
#define next_year = soon
#define the_product_is_ready_to_ship = another_beta_version
void main()
{
if (latest_window_version > one_month_old)
{
if (there_are_still_bugs == TRUE)
market(bugfix);
if (sales_drop_below_certain_point == TRUE)
raise(RUMOURS_ABOUT_A_NEW_BUGLESS_VERSION);
}
while(everyone_chats_about_new_version)
{
make_false_promise(it_will_be_multitasking); /* Standard Call, in lie.h */
if (rumours_grow_wilder == TRUE)
make_false_promise(it_will_be_plug_n_play);
if (rumours_grow_even_wilder == TRUE)
{
market_time = ripe;
say[lpsz "It will be ready in one month"];
order(programmers, stop_fixing_bugs_in_old_version);
order(programmers, start_brainstorm_about_new_version);
order(marketingstaff, permission_to_spread_nonsense);
vapourware ==TRUE;
break;
}
}
switch (nasty_questions_of_the_worldpress)
{
case WHEN_WILL_IT_BE_READY:
say[lpsz "It will be ready in", today+30_days," we're just testing"];
break;
case WILL_THIS_PLUG_AND_PLAY_THING_WORK:
say[lpsz "Yes it will work"];
ask(programmers, why_does_it_not_work);
pretend(there_is_no_problem);
break;
case WHAT_ARE_MINIMAL_HARDWARE_REQUIREMENTS:
say[lpsz "It will run on a 8086 with lightning speed due to the 32-bit architecture"];
inform(INTEL, "Pentium sales will rise skyhigh");
inform(SAMSUNG, "Start a new memorychip plant, all customers will need 32 megs");
inform(QUANTUM, "Thanks to our fatware your sales will triple");
get_big_bonus(INTEL, SAMSUNG, QUANTUM);
break;
case DOES_MICROSOFT_GET_TOO_MUCH_INFLUENCE:
say[lpsz "Oh no, we are just here to make a better world for everyone"];
register(journalist, Big_Bill_Book);
when(time_is_ripe)
{
arrest(journalist);
brainwash(journalist);
when(journalist_says_windows95_is_bugfree)
{
order(journalist, "write a nice objective article");
release (journalist);
}
}
break;
case default:
say[lpsz, "No comment, we're working on it."];
break;
}
while (vapourware == TRUE)
{
introduction_date++; /* Delay */
if (no_one_believes_anymore_there_will_be_a_release)
break;
say[lpsz "It will be ready in",today+ONE_MONTH];
}
release(beta_version);
while (everyone_is_dumb_enough_to_buy_our_bugware == TRUE)
{
bills_bank_account += 150*megabucks;
release(new_and_even_better_beta_version);
introduce(more_memory_requirements);
if (customers_report_installation_problems == TRUE)
{
say[lpsz "that is a hardware problem, not a software problem"];
if (smart_customer_says_but_you_promised_plug_and_play == TRUE)
{
ignore(customer);
order(microsoft_intelligence_agency, "Keep an eye on this bastard");
}
}
if ( bills_bank_account > skyhigh && marriage > two_years )
{
divorce(woman_that_was_beatifull_when_I_married_her);
wave(dollars, at_lusty_chicks);
marry(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
devirginize(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
if (boobies_start_to_hang == TRUE)
dump(young_blond_virgin_with_big_boobies);
}
if (there_is_another_company == TRUE)
{
steal(their_ideas);
accuse(company, stealing_our_ideas);
hire(a_lot_of_lawyers); /* in process.h */
wait(until_other_company_cannot_afford_another_lawsuit);
buy_out(other_company);
}
}
/* Now everyone realizes that we sell bugware and they are all angry at us */
order(plastic_surgeon, make_bill_look_like_poor_fellow);
buy(nice_little_island);
hire(harem);
laugh_at(everyone, for_having_the_patience_year_after_year_for_another_unfinished_version);
}
void bugfix(void)
{
charge (a_lot_of_money);
if (customer_says_he_does_not_want_to_pay_for_bugfix == TRUE)
say[lpsz "It is not a bugfix but a new version"];
if (still_complaints == TRUE)
{
ignore(customer);
register(customer, big_Bill_book);
/* We'll get him when everyone uses Billware!!*/
}
}